LIFE LESSONS: BIRTHDAY SERIES - THIS IS TWENTY-EIGHT!
My birthday posts usually consist of an introduction of how fast time is flying and how much I wish it would slow down.
Not this year, darling!
Though it does feel like I wrote my birthday series just yesterday, I am in the most harmonious state I’ve ever been in my life.
There’s no fuss nor anxiety (okay, maybe a little eye roll here and there) about where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to be with or what I am supposed to be doing - I’m at peace and absolutely okay with how the universe is working on me. If there’s one thing I was sure of doing this year, it was practicing what I said I would do when I jotted down my goals for twenty-seven. This past year has no doubt been about taking things slowly and living in the moment - rather than being in a constant rapid momentum to check things off my self-competing goals list.
Now do I still have worries and an endless checklist I can never seem to reach?
Absolutely! I just know that in order to make my BIG dreams a reality, I have to start with small victories.
This has been one of the hardest lesson of entire life.
As someone who struggles with waiting for the train (this might be a common denominator for living in New York City though), learning to live through awareness and comprehending that “what’s meant for me will be,” has been challenging.
Can you imagine trying to live life for the now, as a frequent worrier? Right, I had to let the worrying part go.
What keeps me grounded is knowing that this is bigger than me and praying - not for answers but for wisdom, guidance and tolerance. Because what’s the point of being in a rush to be somewhere I am not even prepared for?! So self-reflection and implementing teaching moments have been the blueprint to my perseverance.
WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS
Listennnn, if you know me very well, you know I’ve been a people pleaser and a worrier. So along with my previous battles of learning to say no, worrying about what people thought of me was the icing on the cake.
Being very comfortable and sure of who I am has been a journey - it’s safe to say that the older I get, the less I give a damn about the small stuff! There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to alter the preconceived notions someone has of me, so why on earth should I continue to waste my time and energy on it?
Quite frankly, if they’ve already decided who I am, they don’t deserve to know me.
Whether I choose to be a bubbly cup of tea or an acquired taste, it’s not my job to teach people how to love me. It’s my duty to work everyday towards bettering myself, by being cognizant of the opinions of others - but I won’t allow these opinions to become my defining moment.
My point isn’t to go around being a jerk and oblivious to sound advice. Nonetheless, I should stand up for what’s right and never feel inferior towards someone else’s reflection of who I am.
PERFECTIONISM IS FEAR OF FAILURE
Being a perfectionist is an old excuse I became tired of using!
It’s what dreamers tell themselves, while the doers are busy doing what needs to be done.
Perfectionism has left me comparing, sabotaging and more than often, pushing away ideas I felt I could be better at. I would tell myself: “Well, if I had ______, I could then be better at this.” or “This isn’t good enough, let me take a break and come back with a better idea.”
Instead of attempting to make the foundation perfect, I learned to stop ignoring the building blocks that irrevocably sets the tone for what I am destined to be. There’s nothing wrong with working hard towards perfection but there something regrettable about pausing what can ultimately be life changing because “I am not ready.”
I. Will. Never. Be.
MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT TOO
I was ashamed, lost, confused & without a doubt struggling with anxiety and depression.
What was worse to me was the fear of speaking about my mental health because my community frowned on depression but mourned suicide. For a very long time, I pushed the thought of therapy away because I was told “that’s what white folks did.”
GIRLFRIENNN, not anymore!
Even with my private tendencies, I have and will continue to encourage anyone who I think will benefit from therapy! The hardest part for me was opening up to a stranger in what I imagined was a cold, sterile and hospital-like white room.
Contrary to the stereotypes, it’s pretty much like having a conversation with someone trained to listen and provide sound advice as a friend - and it’s quite warm and comfortable too!
If there is one thing I wish I did a long time ago, it’s choosing to deal with the emotions what I was trained to believe was inappropriate.
With that being said, who cares what people think! While they’re busy judging my choices to take care of my mental health based on their preconceived notions, I am bettering myself.
Want to know a secret? More people than you think actually go to therapy but choose their right to not share it.
DON’T WAIT FOR PEOPLE PAST YOUR GRACE PERIOD.
I’ve been so generous with waiting for late people that I’ve lost eighty-four years of my life (yes, you read eighty-four right).
I can’t stress enough how continuously waiting for people who do not respect my time, conditioned them to think they can do this all the time. Now we’ve all been late due to things we can’t control (hence my grace period rule), but it’s the repeat offenders (we all know one but if it’s you, be ashamed of yourself!) who continuously do it I am referring to.
BEING FISCALLY RESPONSIBLE
That’s a damn lie.
I didn’t learn this, but you have to speak things into existence sis.